You are pregnant and you are not quite sure how everyone is going to feel about your pregnancy. As you work to make the right choices for you, you will need a strong support team. Telling your parents is hard enough – you also have to tell your boyfriend.
Every situation is different, but here are a few points to keep in mind. They may not all apply to you, but this can help you start the conversation:
- Try to remain calm. You may cry – that is OK.
- If your relationship with him is a good one and you will stay together, let him know this. You can love each other very much and still make a plan that for both your future’s. Together – and individually.
- Tell him how you feel. It is OK to be scared – pregnancy is hard.
- Share with him that this is your baby together and you want the child to know who is the mother and father and that the child is loved by both of you.
- If you are serious about making a plan for you and the baby, sound serious. Are you ready to have a baby or do you want the relationship with your boyfriend to become more serious now that you are pregnant?
- Ask if he wants to be involved in making a decision about the baby. If you chose adoption, he can help select the family, meet with them and sign any paperwork.
I still have questions
He may care very much about the child and knows adoption may be the best choice. However, if he wants to support you and the child, prepare for him to be a part of your and your child’s life.
+ He is not supporting me—do I have to tell him?
If this is the case, remember that what you want to do is still your choice. After all this is your pregnancy… and your future. Not too many people will tell you that… but it’s true. But do not take our word for it—you can get legal advice—at no charge to you.
+ I am not sure who is the birth father
+ I know I want to give my baby up for adoption. Do I have to tell him? What if he is uncertain about adoption or says I can not make an adoption plan?
If you and your boyfriend are still in a relationship, but you both know that you are not ready to be parents, you will need to tell him that you care about him and his baby, but you are not ready to be parents. He may agree. He may suggest that his parents can raise the child. You have to ask yourself: Are his parents the kind of people you want raising your child? You will also need to discuss with your boyfriend what is he going to do if his parents do not always want to take of the child all of the time and expect him to also be there every day.
If he says absolutely you cannot “give away his baby,” but he does not want to help you with any expenses, then you will need some legal advice because most birth fathers have limited rights if they do not support you. If you are living with him and he does not want you to make an adoption plan, you may have to parent your child. He may not ever support you again after the baby is born, but if he is living with you now or helping you out financially, he still has rights. Do I have to tell the attorney or agency the name of the birth father? In some states, such as South Carolina, a woman has the right not to name the birth father. The state of South Carolina, as do many states, has a birth father registry, so if a man wants to know if a woman got pregnant after he had sex with her and also wants to know what happened to that child, then he can register.